Well, the cake says it all...
Eko, Nikki and Sean are off on their two year adventure to Istanbul, Turkey. The decision was not an easy or quick one. They have thought long and hard about it and Nikki and I have had countless talks over the years about what it would be like. God has been preparing our hearts for awhile now and yet somehow I didn't feel prepared. I am very good at keeping myself busy. I decorate, plan, cook, clean... I keep myself doing. However, as I am doing... I am processing. I need a lot of time to process emotional events. I dream, I wonder and I think. That's me. I feel sorry for Jon sometimes because he often hears the same thoughts over and over again...
These past few weeks, I have been processing a lot... my house is also squeeky clean because of it, hehe! God has helped me through it all and his word has been my strength. He has helped me to gain more of an understanding or perspective of Eko's wonderful family. He left Turkey for college when he was eighteen, met my sister and hasn't been back since, other than to visit of course. I can't imagine either my brother or one of my son's being gone that long. Who am I to complain about two years??? I have also come to realize that maybe... just maybe... I have a little lingering greif floating around my heart. I thought I "dealt," with all of it... but it has become clear to me that the feeling of loss still very much affects me. I am not losing my sister this I know, the feeling of losing her even for a little has ressurected some old familiar feelings.
Being four years apart, we were never in school together. When I was in high school.. she was in college. When I was in college, she was in the "real" world. It was only when we were both out of college that we truly started to form a deep bond. We have never lived close to each other in distance either. When my mom passed away... it all changed. My siblings and I have a bond now that nothing can break. Wild horses couldn't tear me away! Nikki and I have had a blessed two years living twenty minutes from each other and we spent the whole time together. I got to know my nephew on a daily basis. As if I didn't love him enough already... I now know him like a son and still love him! My boys adore their Uncle, Aunt and cousin and we look forward to meeting the newest member as he/she arrives in September! It has made my life here in Jerz feel right.... Having family around who are an active part of my life and the lives of my children has felt like a dream. I have come to realize through this experience... that even though I have survided very dark days in my past which gave me a very true perspective about happiness.... I may have a little more growing to do. What I mean is... I think I may have fallen back into the trap of allowing people to make me feel fullfilled. People cannot fullfill me. Only God can do that and although I know that to be true... I sometimes get distracted. My family are dear to me and I am thankful for them. However, they are still human. I cannot rely on them for my inner strength and contentment.
It really helps me to seek God through it all and I know that no matter what the result of any given situtation... He will use it for the good and obviously with me, he already is! This weekend as I prepared the, "see ya soon," party, picked up the balloons, arranged the food and greeted their guests and friends... I heard the message loud and clear. "I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper and not harm you..." He has big plans for all of us, Nikki, Eko and Sean included. My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing them each week and hearing my boys play with their cuz whom they love dearly, but God is good and we have skype and facetime!!! They plan to return for Thanksgiving and stay until after Christmas so I can't wait for the holidays already!! Love you three!!!
