It has been over five years since I lost my mom, yet some moments it feels like yesterday. There are nights I miss her so much it hurts. Becoming a mother myself has made me miss her more than ever. Not having her at my wedding was tough, but I knew she wasn't meant to be there. Not having her there the night Jacob was born, was again tough but, I always have such amazing support from my family and friends and they get me through everything.
It wasn't until I started becoming a mom that I would have moments where I will just want her there right then. Like when Jake smiles at his ducky in the bath or he says dada for the first time. Sometimes even when I am shopping for him and buying those tiny clothes. That's when I would love to call her and tell her all about it with Jake in my arms.
As I reflect tonight and hope I am not depressing people, I remember the wonderful mother she was. I know she went to heaven at her perfect time. Even if it wasn't so perfect for me. Until I see her again, I will love Jon Jake with all my heart and try to be half the wife and mom she was. Tough act to follow... let me tell ya. She was selfless, compassionate, full of great advice (and willing to give it anyone at anytime), a great host, funny, sweet, modest and most of all loving beyond words. I feel so lucky to have been blessed with a mom who I knew as an adult. Some people lose their mothers at a very young age. I know how she felt about things, we talked about politics, people, boys (mostly Jon... hehe) jobs, kids and life. Every time we would talk we'd "solved the world's problems" she would say. The night before she passed away, she came to an event I was hosting at our college. Afterwards she stuck around to have a midnight snack with me. We talked for hours right there in the student union. I am so thankful that God gave me that time with her. I thought I would share some of her wise words of wisdom tonight.
- Consider yourself lucky if you have a handful of good friends
- It doesn't go up with ya!
- Buy the Shoes!
- If your dating someone and they aren't treating you the way you want to be treated... It's not going to get better. Move on! She was a big fan of the many fish in the sea thing.. true but not always what you want to hear at the time~
- Friends and family are all that matter
- Lastly, she always stressed how lucky I was to be an American and to have two siblings I am close with.
4 comments:
Of course I am crying reading this. I love ya, Jo and your strength is amazing. I know you draw it from Him and I admire you for that! Your mom would be so proud of you and the mother that you have become. You are warm, caring, and the most compassionate person I know. Your mom did a great job!!!
I second the crying part! I am in no way depressed by your words but rather uplifted. It is so important to remember the little moments today because you never know, as Jill posted in her blog, when they will be the lasts. I am currently struggling with my relationship with my parents. I love them but I get so wrap up trying to "parent" them that I forget to just enjoy them. You helped me to reflect that not only should I be remembering the little moments that I have with Aidan, I should remember to play close attention to my moments with my own parents. Thank you Jo!
thanks for your honest thoughts jo. it's so neat to see into your heart and catch of glimpse of the relationship you had with your mom. how cool to know you'll one day be reunited with her in heaven!! oh that sweet day!
Joanne, every single word you used to describe your mom are exactly what I'd use to describe YOU. I love you! -Lauren
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