For the First Time

Today, I had an,"Ah Ha," moment as people say these days. It was just your run of the mill insane morning having two little boys and a messy husband to care for and some how manage being and feeling very pregnant. A typical day...after a long night of Will awakenings... the morning began with the craziness of getting ready for Jake's first day of soccer and Jon's first day coaching, thoughts of my due date soon approaching and the unfinished errands I've been feeling stressed by and our constantly dripping kitchen sink... a normal morning... We made it to soccer and after unloading and getting myself to the field pushing the half full double stroller up a hill in my saggy, uncomfortable maternity jeans.... I had a second to breath. I gazed out onto the field to see my adorable Jake running around with a huge grin on his little face and my handsome husband in his Phillie's sweatshirt chatting up another soccer dad. I watched as my husband, somewhat nervously began coaching his first practicee... he was nervous, which you rarely see... although he would never admit it I'm sure. He was amazing. He handled the children with such ease and always had a genuine smile on his face. He made friends with the other coach and upon leaving commented on what a great guy He was. Tonight as I lay here resting my swollen legs, I am left with thoughts and pictures of my husband and what a great guy HE is.

Today and lately I guess... I feel like I have been seeing him for the first time. Jon is such a man of character and for me irresistible charm. I see the way he fathers our boys and how much love he shows them. I hear him say love you to them many times a day and we have countless talks about how cute they both are. I see the way he tries to be romantic even though he doesn't truly have a romantic bone in his body. I see the way it pains him to give a budget, as he would buy me the world if he could. I see the way he respects others and looks up to people always trying to become a,"better", man. I see the way he praises God and pursues a relationship with Him and with other men who desire the same. I just see him... my love... the one He designed me for. This tall, dark and may I say handsome man ...when I met him was a sort of short, guys guy who was a sporty and somewhat grumpy college kid. I knew he was different when I met him, but it has taken me years to figure out just how different. We are a normal couple who have their disagreements and annoyances... and he would never believe that I've been feeling this way lately with all my hormonal mood swings and pregnancy woes I have not been as quick to compliment him.
However, at the end of the day, when the kids are asleep, the house is quiet and I have a minute to think... I feel lucky. Lucky that God had a plan for us. I am still madly in love with my husband and yet he makes me feel mad most days. Isn't that what true love is all about? You make each other nuts, but you can't live without each other? I always want to be in love with Jon and I always want to remember why and tell him so. I tell him all the time that I want to be the couple that holds the grocery cart together when we are eighty... full knowing that Jon would never do so... it would probably slow the cart down and even at eighty I'm sure he'll still be on a tight "schedule," and I will be trying to stop and smell the roses...

My prayer tonight is that God can help me stop and SEE my husband more often for the loving, wonderful, passionate individual that he is and help me to feel the strong admiration and love I do for him in this moment every day of our lives together. Love you Honey. I can't believe we met a decade ago and I can't believe we have been married for five years and will soon have three little boys. Here is to many many more years of insanity, drippy sinks and socks left on the floor!