Words Cannot Express...

I have been wanting to blog forever... Jon and I have been keeping the latest adoption news to ourselves given our most recent disappointment. Last week we received word that our profile was shown to a birth mother and that she had chosen ONLY us to interview! We went to the agency Tuesday night to meet her. As we prepared for the meeting and waiting for the 7:15om start time... I was a wreck. It is a strange feeling to meet someone who may possibly be giving you your next child. As bizarre as it feels, I was more confident and relaxed this time. She arrived with her mother and the meeting went very smoothly. It felt natural and right. We discussed the type of relationship we would have and I am happy to announce it will be an open adoption. Jon and I couldn't be more thrilled. We met her on Tuesday and she was due FRIDAY!!! Yes, Friday the 17th as in this past Friday. We also found out it was a BOY! I can't tell you how excited Jon was the moment she said boy. You could just see the vision of two sons dancing in his head! I loved it. There is nothing better to me than seeing the excitement in my husband when he thinks or talks about our child or future children. After the meeting, they told us they would call within a few days. So we waited....
Then, we heard on Thursday that she was certain we were the family for her and were provided an email address that we could email her with. How do you write an email? What do you say? I sat and thought for a long period of time. (thankfully Jake was napping!) I sent her an email and awaited her reply. Then, we cleaned all the clothes, changed sheets, took everything out of the attic. We kept ourselves busy as we waited...That night I checked my email and nothing... so we waited... Friday morning I picked up Jake from preschool and we had just walked in the door when the phone rang. The caller ID said Bethany Christian Services and my heart just stopped. She had gone into labor and was at the hospital, 4 centimeters dilated! Crazy!!! On her due date. So, we waited yet again.. I checked my email and found that she had actually emailed me at 8:00am. It was the most amazing and touching email and I will never forget it. We didn't hear anything all day and night on Friday and I can tell you I might have slept 30 mins last night. The next morning, TODAY, we heard that he was born at 1:59AM. He had a very long labor, but is healthy and his birth mom is recovering. We didn't hear anything again until around 12:00. We were in Target buying last minute baby essentials and they called again. We were then told that he was over 7 lbs. and 20 inches long. They also told us that we should wait until Sunday to come meet him because birth mom is just simply exhausted and hasn't had any one on one time with him yet.
So, now we are scheduled to go meet him tomorrow afternoon!!! Meet our son... how surreal. I can't express how I feel tonight. It is strange to feel like I have a newborn who is not with me right now. It is amazing to know that we are going to bring him home Monday morning. I am blown away by a young girl's sacrifice and God's mark on all of details so far. I lay awake just staring at my empty bassinet and I dream. I dream of his touch, his smell, his little grip... everything. I also can't wait to see Jake as a big brother. Although I know it will be a big transition... I know my Jakers and I know he will be amazing at it!
I have always wanted to be a mom to many little ones. For a while there I began to believe that it just might not be in my cards. You never know what God has in store, but I know that His plan is always better than the one I have crafted in my brain. However, it has been a long road and an emotional one. I have been trying to stay strong through everything and not let it get to me too much. I have been enjoying my life and finding joy in the grace of God. I have focused on the positive and felt lucky to have all that I have. Now, I feel all of the emotions I have been avoiding. I feel like I am going to lose it when I finally drive away from the hospital and he is in our car and we are driving him home!!!! I just can't wait and it feels good to let go. Thank You God for this amazing and truly unbelievable experience.
I will be posting as soon as I have an update, but as of now... we meet our SON tomorrow... we have an adoption ceremony at the hospital Monday morning then we bring him home. What a truly amazing gift.