Little note to my boys from an exhausted, loving mama:
Dear my sweets,
When I first started out my journey of becoming your mommy, I read a lot of baby books. I asked questions to people who had been moms. I was nervous, but so so excited! All I ever wanted to be was a mom. However, I was never told just how hard it would be. I know now that it is mostly because unless you are in the thick of it.... The joys of parenting far out weight the hardships. The joys help you forget the tough stuff. For example... Kevin, you were born only three years ago... And I already forget how tiring it is to have a newborn baby. Lacey (our new pup) gave me a wee reminder of that this week though.
Right now we are in the toddler/ kindergarten years. I am here to tell you that I love you very much, but lately you guys can wear me out. I didn't know prior to having you how much personality you would all have and how much I would love it. How much I would worry about you and your future. How much your actions or words would make me exhausted and/or frustrated. How hard it would be to try and always be calm and patient ( I was a really patient teacher with twenty-two students... Much harder with you three)
When I pictured having children I pictured coloring pages with adorable childhood doodles... Grilled cheese sandwiches... Swing sets in the backyard, togetherness, laughter and a lot and a lot of hugs and kisses. Thankfully, aside from the swing set... We have all of that and more! I just didn't anticipate how hard it would be to guide you and lead you through this crazy world we live in.
Nowadays, wow that makes me feel old... Parents are trying to be their kids friend. To not be too negative and be only positive. Grown ups seem to be afraid to put their foot down and actually say,"no," or,"your not being nice,"... Adults seem to have forgotten how important their role is. I have not forgotten boys and I try each day to be the best mommy and I can be for you. Trust me.... I'd much rather just give you guys everything you want all day long and keep you smiling all the time.... The problem is that wouldn't work! Getting what you want every minute might be what you think you want, but it's not. I love you dearly, but I have been given the blessed and tremendously daunting responsibility of raising you and pointing you in the direction to be godly, loving, strong and courageous men. And guess what... It's really hard! Some days, I feel like looking up to heaven and saying... "God, I'm not worthy of this huge job!" I don't want to mess this up!" Then, God reminds me in something you say or do of the absolute joys you are in my life.
In the end and on days like today... I'm worn. However, I feel hope that this worn out feeling will be worth it! I am your mother. You are my boys. We are made for each other. So, even if there are days we don't see eye to eye... Remember this...
I am not your friend. I love you more than your friends do. I love you so much I am willing to stick to my guns and make you try that green bean! I love you so much, I will put you in time out fifty times in a row if I have too (we've gotten close boys) I love you so much, I will stay up late into the wee hours of the night googling or researching the best way to ( fill in the blank) for you! I love you so much, I will pray for you each and every time I worry about you. I love you so much I will play matchbox cars on the floor for an hour and build forts or out together boyish lego sets again and again. I love you so much, we will go to the same farm each week and feed the same animals with the same enthusiam. I love you so much and trust that even when me... Your imperfect mommy... feels overwhelmed, I will trust that our perfect god has a awesome plan for us! With God and Daddy included we've got all we need to get through any rough day do tantrums that comes our way! We love each other fiercely. I hope we always shuggle, kiss attack and laugh at each other the way we do now! Another blessing to be reminded about.... Tomorrow is a new day!
See you in the morning boys... Can't wait to see your faces...
Love, mama
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