And it's here...

We have been preparing all week and into the weekend for the start of school. Jake was doing a daily countdown to school and asking a ton of questions in excitement! I love how he just jumps right into everything. He is a lover of life and so easy going when it comes to new things. I hope he never changes! Over the weekend, I was busy prepping his uniforms and making some homemade waffles as healthy alternatives to our favorite frozen waffles. We intentionally planned a weekend of nothing, knowing this week would be tiring for him. His new school has full day kindergarten. I know he is ready, but I'm sure he will be pooped at the end of the day! 

When we dropped him off this morning, I felt anxious pulling into the parking lot. I just couldn't believe it was here. Then, he ran right into his class line...put his lunch away...and started playing with new friends in line. Just like that. It melted my heart and me so proud of him. Jon said," alright, so I guess we go?" And I said," no way... Lets stay as long as we can!" Mommy stalking... All the other parents lingered as well thankfully. We all just stood around the back of the gym watching our babies in their uniforms all grown up. I think I may have been more emotional in that moment had he not been so excited. It also helped that the little guys were all over the place, a little distraction. We got to watch the whole school pray, stand up in line and then watch jakes class walk in line to their classroom. As he walked by he blew me kisses and said,"see ya dad." Perfect. That's my boy, he knows his mama needs kisses!! We walked out. Strapped little guys in...and then came the tears!!! Ugh. I can't pick him up until 2:45??? Will he be alright? Already??? What will the boys and I do all day without our Jakers??? Reality quickly hit me...  But man I felt it for a few minutes. Thankfully Jon was there to hold my hand and tell me I was funny. That made me feel better. 

The boys and I met a friend and her daughter at the park afterwards. Her son, jakes buddy, also started kindergarten at a different school today. So sharing notes and feelings helped me too. Plus, keeping up with the little guys is enough to fill my mind that's for sure!! 

Can't wait until he's home this afternoon to hear all about his first day. Hoping he gives me lots of details!!! Psych.. He is a boy right? Hoping I get one detail at least! 

Movin' Up to Kindergarten

Jake's kindergarten orientation was today. He woke up super early because he was so excited.  I didn't really think I would be emotional today but, I was. We pulled up to school for the kindergarten tea. It was going to be about an hour and a half long. Jake thought it was his first day of school apparently? He jumped out of the car right away began walking across the parking lot (as If he knows where he is going) and says, "bye mom!" I of course had to explain that I would be with him for most of today and that his first day was not for another week. He was bummed because he wanted to stay longer. After I brought him to his class table and he met his teacher, who was fab, I went at sat with the parents. We knew a few families which was nice so he has some friends in his class already! As I listened to the adorable vice principal talk about kindergarten and the emotional adjustment, I well up with tears... Jake meanwhile is chatting with a friend already and being shushed by his teacher (greattttttt). I had a harder time than he did. He is ready. He is excited. I am so proud of the outgoing, spontaneous and funny little boy he is. We will definitely miss him around the house, but I know in my heart he is ready! Mama needs some prayer and tissues, but I'll get there too. I was anxious about sending him into the world and thought a lot about where to send him. Jon and I both prayed for a year or so about it. We feel completely excited about the school we chose for him. Then as I'm leaving a teacher handed me an adorable little pouch with this poem and my heart swelled once again. Love this school already!

Cousin Camp 2013

Growing up, my family lived thousands of miles from me in Ireland. I did not have aunts or uncles or even cousins whom I knew well. I had a blessed childhood don't get me wrong, but I knew that when I grew up, I wanted a big family and extended family connections were important to me. My children are beyond blessed by the family they have who love them. My boys now have eight cousins all under six years old! Tons of playmates and friends who call them family. 

Cousin camp is an idea I have wanted to do for a few years now. I saw it on a women's blog and knew we had to start this tradition, but they would need to be older. So, finally the opportunity came and the kids loved it! We played toys together, made tie dye t-shirts, attempted to make our own bouncy balls (flop), tried learning rainbow loom together, created stunt airplanes (boys adored), prayed and had lunch and we were at nap time! It went by so fast and the kids were sad it was over. I told them to look forward to next year!  Eventually, I want it to be an overnight afire with tents and s'mores!! Love cuzzy camp!

What a week!!!

This week has been crazy! On Saturday, the kids and I were heading down to visit with Pop Pop and Gigi at Lewes Beach. Jon stayed home for his fantasy football draft with his high school guys. On the way, Jon called to say that his dad (Popple) got into a serious motorcycle accident while vacationing in Massachusetts. All he knew was that it was serious and he had been helicoptered to a Boston hospital. So, I continued driving feeling incredibly helpless and scared for Popple and upset for the whole family. Jon, Jill and Mommel traveled up to Boston that morning to see him. He has several serious injuries and a long road ahead of him, but is stable and on the road to recovery. 

The following day, while they were traveling to Boston... Abby went into labor!! Later that day she delivered my third niece, Edith June. Edith is named after Mammy and couldn't be cuter. 

So it was a weekend of mixed emotions that's for sure. The boys and I were spenidng much neded time with Pop Pop and Gigi. Being spoiled with beach fun, ride after ride at Funland and Jake even got new school shoes at the outlets! Here we are in Lewes having fun while Popple suffers and Abby is in labor now?? Ahh... The feeling of not being able to be there for Popple and now, not being there with Abby was tough. 

Then, come Monday... To make our week, even more eventful... Nikki delivered my newest nephew, Derin Jon, Monday morning in Istnbul, Turkey!!! The babies are twelve hours apart. Just wild. Yet once again, I can't be there for her. It is not easy to be far from the ones you love while they are going throgh good or bad times. I am thrilled for Thomas and Abby as well as Eko, Nikki and Sean! What blessings. I am thrilled for my boys for gaining two more cousins to love. And I am in prayer and constant thought for Popple in Boston. I pray for him to come home soon and for Sally who is caring for him. The bosy and I got to FaceTime with Jon, Popple and Sallly in Boston today.. It was hard to see him clearly in pain, but we are lucky to still have him here with us! Thank you Lord for the events of this past weekend and for once again protecting our precious family. 

Edith June

Derin Jon 

Silly Fun

Sharing rooms.

I have always dreamed of my kids sharing rooms. I have few, but fond memories of sharing a room with my sister. So whenever I pictured it in my mind... I imagined little boys giggling, chatting then falling right to sleep. They also napped happily for long periods of time during the day in my dreams... 

The last few days with the boys sharing a room has been interesting, comical and frustrating. They are definitely loving being together. I have adored listening against the door at their night time pillow talk. So far night time, as far as falling asleep, has been a breeze. Middle of the night has been a different story. The first night they were both up at midnight to " use the potty." My kids never get up n the middle of the night, so It definitely made me question my decision. The second night Will was up for about an hour making noises ( I think trying to wake Jake), But thankfully Jake slept right through it and I ended up putting Will in the crib. Will has given me quite a hard time at nap time too. I just remind him that if he gets out of bed, he will be put back in the baby crib in the spare room and that seems to work. I pray it just keeps getting better and that we have less early morning and night wakings.

 I am not ignorant that there will be problems...There already have been. However, I hope that having conflict Makes them better at conflict resolution and more resilient. I believe resiliency is the best thing you can teach a child. Life is tough. They will struggle. I want them to be able to deal with whatever comes their way...knowing they have God on their side.  I like my kids on a pretty structured schedule, but I want them to flexible too. I also strive to have my kids be great at sharing and giving to others. I think this is a challenge for kids these days... My kids don't , "want" very often or for very long. I'm not saying I get them everything they want. That is certainly not the case, but their needs are always met. They rarely struggle for something... Jake knows that if he wants something that he can just save money and get it. This is good, but not all children in the world have that option. I don't have the ability to travel all over right now with my children showing them how lucky they are, but I want them to feel it and appreciate all that God has given them. They have all they need when they have God, each other and this lovely room to share. They are abundantly blessed. Now let's hope were blessed with more sleep:) 

Picture Update...Round Here...

Mom

Not having a mom, just ...plain ...stinks. I'm just going to come right out and say it. Lately, I have been working on being completely transparent... So here it is. The good, the bad and the ugly people. Tonight, I miss her terribly. You've heard of heartache, maybe you have felt it. If you haven't... Ugh, it actually hurts. My chest feels tight and there is a throbbing that only goes away with time, prayer and for me blogging and crying.  For almost ten years now, I have worked tirelessly to be positive, optimistic and happy about my current family structure. However, some days...it's work. Some days, I just want to cry. Other days, I wake up and think... Yup, she is really still gone and this really still stinks...  And other days, it would be nice to just stop for a few hours and feel sorry for myself.

 I dreamt my life another way. I planned on her being here. I planned on her being at my college graduation, at the other end of the phone when I called to say," he asked me to marry him!" I planned on her helping me pick out my wedding gown. I definetely planned on her meeting my kids and being a big part of their lives. I planned a lot of things. However, life is not about what we have planned. It's actually quite the opposite.

I have learned a lot these past nine years. I've learned that you can make the most of a terrible situation if you have God on your side. I've learned that people you thought you knew, can change dramatically. I've learned what is important and that life on earth is very short, but meaningful.  I've learned that I'm really good at avoiding big hurt. I've learned that I'm going to be the best wife, mother and grandmother these boys could ever imagine.

I'm going to continue tirelessly to be positive and look up as often as possible. God is a good, loving God. This I believe. Although, I would have had it a very different way... I am blessed. I have much to praise Him for and I am thankful for the perspective I have gained through my grief. It still stinks, but everyday is a step closer to my eternity with her. I want to leave a legacy just as she did. I want to be real...and present as often as possible. Speaking of the present, it is way too late ...especially when you have three little boys that wake up early for pancakes! So on with life I go...