Potential

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life- well, valuable but small and sometimes I wonder,"Do I do it because I love it or because I haven't been brave?" So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So, good night, dear void."

Unfortunately, these are not my own words. Wish they were. Instead they are from my third favorite movie,"You've Got Mail."That's right, third favorite. First being When Harry Met Sally. Second, Sleepless in Seattle. Although these are not my own words, I actually used to keep the quote in my wallet from high school through college. I guess you could call it a,"life quote." I often felt that there was WAY more to this life than the eye beholds. I always sensed there was, but now I know there is. The bible tells me so. However, it is not very specific. So, often my mind wanders... I think about what my life might be like if I never felt scared, worried, nervous, insecure, awkward etc. All those crummy emotions that we have as people. If I truly lived up to the potential that God has given me. Wow, how amazing it would be. If I could be kind, patient, loving, passionate, gentle, selfless, faithful and most of all had self control... ALL the time! What a wife, mommy, daughter, sister and friend I would be.

I also wonder what experiences, feelings and thoughts I would have. If I could be brave all the time, think of all I could accomplish!!! Ideally... I would love to travel the world.... save lives... speak to masses of people and make a difference... love all who come my way... be Oprah for the day... the Eat,Pray,Love experience... However, I know I have a purpose in this little life of mine. I can make a difference. I can speak to the masses. Maybe not on a podium, but in the grocery line or at the gas station? I try... life just seems to get in the way. I pray that God continues to give me these nights where I sit and ponder. It motivates me to continue using the gifts we all have inside. To love my husband. To teach and show my son all that he is capable of. And maybe some day... save the world... whatever the plan is, I am game!