Preschool

So jake has officially begin going to "school." He started at Little Christians preschool this week. The first day was an orientation and I had the opportunity to be in the room with Jake for 15mins. or so. Afterwards, there was an orientation meeting upstairs, while the kids had mini-version of what their day will be like. When it was time for me to leave and go upstairs Jake did something I have never seen him do before. He stood behind my legs and said,"No mommy." I felt awful. I completely didn't expect this reaction from him. he LOVES going to nursery at church and whenever he is dropped off with family or friends he simply says," See ya soon Mommy!" So, this was a new one. The teacher picked him up and brought him to the rug with him crying and told me to go and he would be fine. I was so anxious during the meeting I could barely concentrate. When the meeting was over, I waited in my car in the parking lot to see Jake playing outside with his class. (stalker mom) He seemed like he was having a great time and he looked like such a big boy lining up to go inside. When I went in to get him the teacher said that after a minute or so of me leaving, he stopped crying and LOVED school. He actually said," No Mommy,"again when he saw me because this time he didn't want to leave school! Today was his first day by himself and it went much smoother. I hugged him and kissed him goodbye. Reminded him to obey his teacher and be nice to his friends and he was on his way. "See ya Mommy!" and all. Wow, my little sweet boy in preschool. My heart sank a little when I got back to my car and I realized he was officially a big boy. I was missing my mom at that moment and wishing soo badly that I could share this with her. He just looked so darn cute in that backpack and I know she would have loved to see him and hear all about it!

Nap Time is Craft Time

I have been wanting to make a plate collage for some time now. I first saw one in a store, on the wall and thought it was the cutest thing ever. When I was one home to visit my dad, I grabbed a few more of my mom's dishes. Then, Aunt janet gave me two dishes which went with my color scheme and that got me motivated to go ahead and do it! So, esterday Jake and I went antiquing and then to Home Goods (favorite store) and picked up a few more plates to finish it off. So, here are my inspiration pictures and then my end product is the last picture.

The question I am throwing out there is: Should I make mine bigger?

Online Photo- too big for my wall

A little too pink for my house, but I loved the arrangement of different dishes

My mini-masterpiece. Taken with my phone, but you get the idea.

4 Years in the Making...

To Jon (and anyone else who wants to read ),

Happy anniversary to my love! Our anniversary was yesterday and we celebrated four years together. What a four years it has been. From moving to NJ, getting engaged in Paris, planning a wedding, getting married, moving in together for the first time, decorating our first home together... then six months later finding out we were pregnant (suprise!). Now, we are in the house of our dreams and have a beautiful boy and a desire for a bigger family. Everything about our marriage has exceeded my expectations. When I first met you, I was attracted to this man who had his own interests, tons of friends, love for his family and a character that never faultered. I loved you then, but our love has only deepened. All of your good qualities have remained and you continue to gain more. I now see you as a sensitive soul, a godly man, a romantic guy when you want to be, a wonderful dad, a true companion and teamate and most of all my greatest source of strength and comfort. We have been through a lot together already. I feel like the experiences we have had have made us wiser than our years in marriage terms. We know that life doesn't last long and try to make the most of our time here on earth. I love that we work out our disagreements quickly and see eye to eye on almost everything. I love that you are the only one that brings out my stubborn side. I love that you want to provide the world for Jake and I. I love that when we met you didn't want any kids then you were the first to mention baby number two. I love that you have a heart for adoption like me. I love that you hate to dance, but are always a good sport for me. I love that I can be myself all the time and you continue to love me. I love that a perfect day to you is being home with us. And I love that at the end of the day, the only person I want beside me is you. It has only been four years and I can't wait for many, many more! Love you.

Picture Update

Psyched to start preschool on Wednesday!

Firehouse birthday party... LOVED it!!
"Again Mommy? Again?"
Dressing up at Mommel's
waiting to meet curious george with my cool cuz

"Hi george, I'm Jake"
Moon Bounce Fun

Free Tennis Lesson. Jake was awesome and now I want to sign him up!

Pony Ride

Trying on Daddy's costume from the 80's

Carnival Time! This year Jake actually liked the rides. H wasn't scared at all!
Mommy's mad basketball skills won me this!
Anxiously awaiting his next ride

Last few swims of the summer

Maul Hall

Our latest Anna Foundation Event was a great success! We had a back to school shopping buddy event. It was a wonderful social opportunity for all! Here are the directions to view pictures of the event.

To view the photographs, please go to www.noelleroberts.com and enter the site. Once in the site, click on the client lounge and use the password “mallhaul” to view the photographs. All photos are the property of the Anna Foundation For Inclusive Education and Noelle Roberts.

Potential

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life- well, valuable but small and sometimes I wonder,"Do I do it because I love it or because I haven't been brave?" So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So, good night, dear void."

Unfortunately, these are not my own words. Wish they were. Instead they are from my third favorite movie,"You've Got Mail."That's right, third favorite. First being When Harry Met Sally. Second, Sleepless in Seattle. Although these are not my own words, I actually used to keep the quote in my wallet from high school through college. I guess you could call it a,"life quote." I often felt that there was WAY more to this life than the eye beholds. I always sensed there was, but now I know there is. The bible tells me so. However, it is not very specific. So, often my mind wanders... I think about what my life might be like if I never felt scared, worried, nervous, insecure, awkward etc. All those crummy emotions that we have as people. If I truly lived up to the potential that God has given me. Wow, how amazing it would be. If I could be kind, patient, loving, passionate, gentle, selfless, faithful and most of all had self control... ALL the time! What a wife, mommy, daughter, sister and friend I would be.

I also wonder what experiences, feelings and thoughts I would have. If I could be brave all the time, think of all I could accomplish!!! Ideally... I would love to travel the world.... save lives... speak to masses of people and make a difference... love all who come my way... be Oprah for the day... the Eat,Pray,Love experience... However, I know I have a purpose in this little life of mine. I can make a difference. I can speak to the masses. Maybe not on a podium, but in the grocery line or at the gas station? I try... life just seems to get in the way. I pray that God continues to give me these nights where I sit and ponder. It motivates me to continue using the gifts we all have inside. To love my husband. To teach and show my son all that he is capable of. And maybe some day... save the world... whatever the plan is, I am game!

Before I Forget

I have been meaning to do an update about/for Jake, so that I remember what he is like at this age. So, here it is.

Things I want to remember about you at 2 and a 1/2

- You are still a Mommy's boy and refuse to let Daddy put you to bed!

- You say," Mommy Watch me!" 200 times a day

- You are still a little picky when it comes to food. However, I have discovered that your just not that into food. It is a necessity... that takes up playing time!

- You love trains, the garbage man, tractors and anything that makes loud noises.

- You drink whole milk and drink from a sippy cup or a regular cup.

- You LOVE the pool and everything that is water

- You remind me often that I cannot fix something, Daddy does. You think daddy's work, golf, fix things, tickle you and watch sports all day. While Mommy's snuggle you, make food and put you to bed. Interesting... Daddy's duties sound WAY more fun!

- You trust everyone and will hug and kiss anyone goodbye

- When we show up to a park or play place you ask if there will be "fwends," there.

- My favorite phrase," Mommy, what does that sound makes?"

- You love puppies and cats, too bad you'll probably never have one!

- You are SUPER excited about preschool and cry when I tell you that it is closed for a few more weeks.

- You are NOT into potty training.

- You have no interest in dressing yourself, but want to pick out your outfit.

- You will choose rain boots any day...

- Your best friends are: Your cousins, Alex and Drew

- You call bandages stickers

- You LOVE the ice cream man, who doesn't?

- You thought Mommy's new car was "spooky," because it was black.

- You nap almost everyday for at least two hours and are usually asleep by 7:30PM, up by 7:30AM.

- You have just started having nightmares... not fun for Mommy.

- You also have started to ease drop on conversations. Especially if they are about YOU.

- You will always smile for a photograph

- Every night we say our prayers together and I tell you, you are sweet, smart and strong!

- Your favorite books right now are Go, Dog, Go and Are you my mother?

- You know your letters, colors and shapes and can count to 10, maybe a little more

- You can read about 15-20 words from the baby can read program

- You LOVE the cartoons-Diego, Caillou, Backyardigans and Curious George

- Your favorite toy is still a ball, but you also love playing pretend

- You love sports and often look for people playing sports in the car. "Mommy where did the golfers go?"

- You are soo funny and my favorite kind of funny, unintentional... you just have a funny personality.


- I could go on... I think you are perfect in every way and you are the light of my life and I love being your Mommy

Weekend of Get Togethers

We had a friends filled weekend! Jon and I had a bbq/pool party with friends from college who came in from all over. It was so nice to be with old friends and catch up. The weather was perfect for it too.Sunday afternoon, we had a bbq with some new friends from church. Jake had a blast and loved all of the attention. He even made some new, "fwends," on Sunday.

Fertility Update-Friday is our next ultrasound to check on our progress and my IUI should be this weekend or early next week! Half way through the two week wait! On the adoption front- we had our second home study appt. last week and we will have one more appt. at our house in two weeks. After that... we are approved and we begin the waiting process! So exciting.Pancakes with Daddy

Pool TimePretend play fire fighters! Love the pretending...
"Oh no Mommy, the tractor is on fire.. hurry!"
Jake's newest favorite game. Actually he is obsessed with bean bag toss now

Bmore for the Night

Jake and I headed down to Baltimore to see the fam on Saturday. It was a last minute trip, but we made it worth while. My sister and nephew were in town too. We hung out with the fam, took advantage of the nice weather and also fit in some inner harbor time. Jake loved walking over all of the neat bridges and seeing the "GIANT," boats. I forgot how much Baltimore had to offer. You take it for granted when your from there. There are so many fun activities and sites to see. Especially for kids! We ended up checking out the Port Discovery Museum. We had a blast and I highly recommend it. If you do go... start on the top floor and work your way down. We thought the best stuff was on top and by that point the kids were melting. Here are some pics from the weekend.

Blankie Monster on the ride down!

Bob the Builder, special exhibit

We spent the most time in a "ball section"... who would have guessed?

If you don't succeed, try, try again

We found out today that this is not our month. I am definitely bummed, but feel somewhat stronger today than I usually do. I know it is because I have been surrendering to God, giving it all to Him. I am just so drained and tired of trying to control it. It is truly out of my hands. I have to continue to trust and keep myself distracted. So what to do... any home improvement suggestions? I already went out today and bought an antique stool for Jake that I plan to paint and recover. I'll post pics when I'm done. Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts. It helps to have such amazing support from family and friends.

On a lighter note... our next adoption appt. is Tuesday!!! After that only one more appt. and we are approved!!!! Amazing and so exciting.

Fertility Prayer

Lord, help me to know that You are enough.
Take my eyes off of myself.
Take my eyes off of the child I desire.
Help me to delight myself in You.
Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will.
I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child.
I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You.
Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands.
Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You.
But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You.
Let me reach out to those around me.
Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.

Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home.
If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan.
Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will.
If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.

Thank You for lifting my burden.
Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!

AND Thank God for my little sweet Man...

An Anxious Heart

We are two days away from finding out if we are pregnant this month. I have felt such peace this month and felt God's presence with me in times of anixety or worry. Although, this week my mind seems to be winning the battle again. It is frustrating to me that I can't just completely give our fertility issues to God. I feel like I am 95 % there, but this little 5% wants to control it and today the 5% is rearing it's ugly head. It took all my faith and strength to avoid CVS and pregnancy tests today. I am dying... This month alone, I have reorganized almost every cabinet in my kitchen, the playroom, painted my shutters as well as the front door among many deep cleanings throughout the entire house. All to keep myself distracted. Tonight, I am worried that another negative blood test will be the straw that broke the camels back. And although my faith keeps me strong and God continues to remind me he is in control, it is tough. Today I was praying on the way to the park that things would just line up. Everything would come into "order," and that it would be amazing. At that exact moment I looked at my odometer. (why? I don't know) My mileage 34,567. All lined up. I took it as a sign from Him that he is listening and that He is my odometer. The defintition of an odometer is an instrument for recording elasped distance. Therefore the act of turning back your odometer or moving it forward, is considered fraud. By trying to control the distance I have traveled I have committed fraud. I know I am human and vulnerable to these thoughts, but I wish I could just trust... everyday... al day long... here's to continuing to try... in more ways than one!!

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look around you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Weekend Update

We started the weekend off with a little baby in the house! Our friends Jess and Mike trusted us to watch their adorable three month old Evan for the night. I personally LOVED it! Oh how I miss rocking a baby. Jake loved it too. He tried to teach Evan how to fist pump and told him all about his bouncy seat. Saturday a.m. I think Jake realized Evan was still there and I saw a little jealousy when I was rocking or feeding him. Luckily Jon was there to help me. After Evan was picked up, we headed down to the shore. Jon took Monday off so we could extend our stay a little. And what a treat it was. To be able to sit and read my book and not rush home Sunday night was peaceful. Then to be able spend the Monday together today was awesome! We decided to go out for pancakes and then to the zoo! jake made a little friend at the zoo. They were chasing each other all around. It was sweet.

Ice cream treat at the beach!

Waiting for pancakes (his favorite)

SWAGGER WAGON

So Jon and I just bought a mini-van and I have to say.. I AM PSYCHED... Never thought I would be one of those moms. Thought I was way cooler than that... until I sat in one... Got me a swagger wagon...